Social Anxiety Disorder

[BlackCat]

Out of curiosity..

Does anyone here have Social Anxiety Disorder (aka Social Phobia)?

This is something I've had since I was really young (since I can remember) and, tonight/this morning I decided to seek some sort of help in the form of possibly a forum, something along that line, but.. every site that I visited had something about the bible, or something about turning to God to take the anxiety away, and it really got under my skin. People get over something on their own, and some invisible man in the sky gets credit for it.. BS.

So, anyways, I hope its ok to post about this here. 

So.. here's my story, if anyone else wants to post their experiences as well, that is what I'm making this thread for.

I'll start by saying, I really believe that being raised in a Mormon household, very sheltered, is the primary cause for this. Being taught that the "outside world" is evil couldn't have helped anything.

Throughout the school years, mostly in middle and high school, I found people often asking me "Why are you so quiet?", "Why don't you talk more?", and "Are you ok?".. so in high school, I found it easier to wear the 'goth' looks so people wouldn't want to talk to me (in hindsight I know that was really the reason for it)

Senior year, I met a guy who really liked me, I liked him, long story short, right out of high school we got married. Since I didn't have school or work, my job was to stay at home, clean cook and whatnot. I didn't like to leave the house, and throughout that time it became harder and harder for me to even go outside. The marriage abruptly ended merely 13 months after it began, he had found another girl and that was it, a huge decision had been made for me basically. The next year was a total wreck, I won't go too into details here but I was placed on 100mg Zoloft to combat Social Anxiety and Depression. The Zoloft really made things so crazy for a while, but in the end, the depression was gone and I married a great man who really helped me through all of that mess, but I'm still left with this relentless Social Phobia.

At this point, I've held a few jobs now that have required social contact, while I can handle a situation where I pretty much have a script to go on, I still have a lot of trouble as far as a social life. If I go to a store for example, I can't go alone, I won't go anywhere without my husband, he understands this and it works for now, but being in a new town, I'm going to have to find a new job, and I'm going to have to deal with a whole new social environment.. Coming from a City of 1.7 million to a small town of 50,000 knowing that I'll have to see the same people more than once makes it harder. I get anxiety just thinking about it. 

Sorry for such a long, whiny post, (really tired now so if it doesn't make sense, I blame that) I've never really been able to let this much out about S.A. (you all probably think I'm a wet blanket now) but it still stands that if anyone else has Social Phobia, and would like to post, or anyone with advice[other than "get over it" lol], please do.

[Hurrican]

I am not sure if i have or had Social Anxiety Disorder, but i think I might have/had it. Like whenever i go out with friends to a party or something with many people i do not know i tend to start getting headaches and basically try to park myself in a corner also just being in a group  of strangers i start getting headaches too. Also I tend not to use public restrooms unless absolutely necessary, very uncomfortable changing around others etc. I am usually a very introverted person and unless i had something important to say i would generally not talk. (which i would also be in conflict to do as it was usually an important point and then i would be put in some sort of spotlight)

I do not know if it was my upbringing that was the cause as my family as always pushed me to go out and experience the world more, but there is a small story which might be the cause which is quite pathetic really. It happened to me in elementary school which lead from a misunderstanding to anger to ignoring to alienation and hatred toward myself from all the friends i at the time had.

Personally i have analyzed my behavior and find it quite illogical, but i can not help but have these feeling in these situations. I have placed myself in certain situations to try and sort of get use to being in these situations but i do not think i will ever really get over these uncomfortable feelings i have when presented in these situations. Also imo whenever someone says just get over it or even try your best it is being a bit irresponsible.

Anyways that was my 2 cents also i know it is really unlikely to overcome such a thing but i hope you will find ways to bear/handle such feelings when pressed into these situations.

[HellBound]

every site that I visited had something about the bible, or something about turning to God to take the anxiety away, and it really got under my skin. People get over something on their own, and some invisible man in the sky gets credit for it.. BS.

I went to AA meetings to give support to my girlfriend and I felt the same way. People change because they want to, not because some deity does it for them.

I found it discouraging that people would give credit to a God that doesn't exist, instead of giving themselves credit for the hard work it took. Why sell yourself short?

As for social anxiety disorder, I believe that I may have had it up until a couple of years ago. I went through Army basic training and AIT, which basically forced me to get over my disorder. I had no choice but to meet new people and speak out. So after about 6 months of this, I finally got over it most of it.

There are still certain situations that I feel overwhelmed in, but for the most part, I don't let it affect my life.

Essentially what cured me is Cognitive-behavior therapy. I just did so in a more "against my will" kind of way.

Nonetheless it worked. Maybe some form of this will help you.

[AppleToTheHead]

I hate to sound the pessimist, but maybe your reaction to groups of people is justified.  I HATE crowds, and the whole underlying mood that prevails in them.  I hate how in groups it is not usually the smartest or best who lead, but the most belligerent and power hungry.  I've had to deal with this problem since middle school, and to be honest, I've finally learned to deal with it by realizing fully why I hate it, and that it is ok.  Another strategy might be a little more introspection while in these situations.  Do you notice every little thing people do when you are out?  Do you comment on their every action either internally or externally?  I would bet the answer would be no.  You just don't really care.  And when you realize that this is the way you behave, it becomes clear this is the way most people behave.  You are not the center of the world.  No one really cares what you do or why you do it, (except for your few chosen friends), no one has the time.
      I also grew up in a sheltered religious home, and the conflict between what you are told about the world when you are young, and what you actually see happening in the world can be terrible.  It took me many years to get over it.  So just hang in there, with a little thought and luck, you WILL get over this.  

[Occam]

While most of us feel some anxiety in groups especially when meeting new people, I can understand how for some it can be overwhelming.  Since you're in a small town, you may not be able to find the resources, but see if there's any humanist group there.  They are usually more accepting of personal differences.  You could go to their meetings, be quiet, and get used to the people.  Gradually, you can choose someone who seems much like yourself, or not intimidating and try to have a very short conversation with the person.  Bit by bit, you may find that you build enough confidence to lengthen your conversations and talke with a few more people.

If there are no Humanist groups, check to see if there's a Unitarian church or fellowship.  Most of their groups are much less religious than other churches, they are very accepting, and many of them are also socially anxious.  The problem there, is that most of them will also be afraid to talk with you.  Again, very gradually, as you get used to the people, you may find that you can engage in some light, almost meaningless conversation.  Then you can progress to more contact.

Another idea may be to take some courses at the local junior college or adult courses if offered in the high schools.  Take easy ones where you can do very well.  You don't have to talk with anyone, but your successes will help, and you'll get used to being around non-threatening people.

Finally, you may want to check and see if there are any free mental health clinics nearby.  They often have discussion groups for people who have similar difficulties.

And you should realize that while most of us wear "I'm a well-adjusted extrovert" masks, it's surprising how many of us have many of the same feelings and concerns you have.

Occam

[RdgWalker76]

I've met a surprising number of atheists afflicted with this, it seems to affect really intelligent people. StupidUglyHead and I belong to a couple of atheist groups here in Phoenix, SUH is an organizer in fact. A lot of atheists in the group refer to it as our 'support group' because there is so much in common among the different members. Generally, everyone starts out being very shy and quiet, until they figure out that they are among friends. Eventually, they begin to shed their self consciousness and let themselves out, so to speak. Forums like this seem to help, especially for INTJs (it's a personality type).

I don't have any great advice, other than not to give up, and perhaps to find safe harbors - other atheists and/or people with social anxiety who are going to be more understanding than most people would be.

[StupidUglyHead]

I love giving advice, and I'm really glad when people ask for it, because no one likes unsolicited advice.

CBT and REBT are awesome therapies that you can basically learn the tools to work on yourself. I will eventually be an REBT therapist, so this is not professional advice, but I have used it on myself and my SAD.

In fact, when I joined the atheist group in town that RdgWalker is talkin about, I was shy, awkward, and anxious. I studied REBT and various self help stuff, which all basically says the same thing: Our behavior is a result of our thoughts, what we tell ourself about adversities.

So, in your situation, I would write down the ABCs to get an idea of where the flow of your behavior is coming from.

A- Adversity (triggers the anxious feeling through the belief): being in public, where people can see you and interact with you.

B- Belief (as Atheists, we know that belief should be based on evidence): I believe/feel like people are judging me and will probably hurt me or say something mean if they get the chance to.

C- Consequence (the result of your belief, not the adversity itself): SINCE going in public means that people are going to criticize and hurt me, there's no way I'm going out into the world by myself.

So now we have the issue we wanna deal with all nice and mapped out. Adjust it to whatever your specific situation is, of course.

As skeptics and scientifically minded people, we want to apply the scientific method to our beliefs and thoughts, not just the outside world. So, let's start by not acting like the Belief (the hypothesis) is true on the face of it.

In fact, whenever you feel an anxious feeling about being social, interject right in the middle of the thought, "Whoops, that's my dogmatic belief that I'm telling myself. I have NO proof that anyone is being critical of me. However, if people really are being critical of me, so what? Every once in a while I'm critical of people, and I don't start shouting in their face about it, and I don't feel the need to hurt them just because I don't like their shoes, their boogers, or even their bad attitude. So, it's actually irrational to think that EVERYONE will do that to me."

So that's basically D- Disputing irrational beliefs. As an adjunct to disputing irrational beliefs, you can dispute irrational consequences. More specifically, you dispute the magnitude at which the consequence will effect you. "Even if I do look at the waitress wrong and she's having such a horrible day and is wild enough to punch me in the face, at least I won't be dead. Broken noises heal. It will certainly SUCK FUCKIN ASS, but it's not the worst thing ever. Plus, I'll have a great story to tell."

If you wanna elaborate what your specific thoughts are, I'd be glad to help you get the ball rolling on making them more rational. You can PM me if ya like, but keep in mind I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL OR LICENSED THERAPIST!!!

So that's the non-religious version of REBT. The inventor of REBT, Albert Ellis, was an out-and-out atheist. He had an assfull of problems as a kid from extended hospitalization, absentee father AND mother, and family members with mental illness. So he was smart enough to realize that he could improve his outlook, therefor his mood, and therefor his ability to enjoy life by putting a realistic silver lining on every adversity.

Anyways, in his later years, he realized that certain aspects of his REBT therapy could be misconstrued as being only for atheists, especially since the ridiculously horrible associations the religious put on the word rational. "Oh, you're so rational!" Can't blame em I guess, since it's like an earthquake to their world view. He added alternate terms. Rational=helpful. Irrational=unhelpful. So now belief in God is not in jeopardy from REBT because maybe it's helpful for you to think whatever stuff comes along with it. But it's a good distinction for us also, because not all of our actions or thoughts are rational, but maybe they're helpful anyway.


Apple, I downed your karma, that was in fact pessimistic. You don't list your religious position, are you a theist trying to make atheistic persons feel bad?

[kraken51]

Throughout the school years, mostly in middle and high school, I found people often asking me "Why are you so quiet?", "Why don't you talk more?", and "Are you ok?".. so in high school, I found it easier to wear the 'goth' looks so people wouldn't want to talk to me (in hindsight I know that was really the reason for it)

i get that alot

[Church_of_STFU]

I have Social Anxiety disorder. I think it was a combination of being naturally shy, somewhat different from the norm, and moving around a lot when I was a kid. Eventually it got to the stage where I'd have trouble finding my voice in certain situations, not to mention my racing thoughts that prevented me from actually thinking of anything worthwhile to say. It was a vicious circle and it was very isolating and stressful.

In the end I saw someone about it, started meds (Zoloft as well) and made renewed efforts to overcome the anxiety. The one thing that probably helped me most was starting charity work. I work with a food distribution service for homeless people now, and I'm exposed to both new people and regulars every week. The great thing is, I know the volunteers are people who share my philosophical orientation and so I never had as much stress around them as I had around groups of my peers, and the clients are very thankful for the help and thus do wonders for my confidence.
I also got more involved with Buddhist groups (yes, I'm one of those atheist buddhists) and again it was mainly the self-selection process of the people that attend those events that make them so beneficial for me.

In the end, it's important to find people you're comfortable with and have an activity to share so you have a topic of conversation if all else fails, and then take small steps. And always remember, there are a lot of us out there.

[MikeC2103]

Yea I would have to say I feel almost the same way.  I'm not real comfortable around most people in general. It can be a little hard to make and keep friends for me. I should probably try to do more about it, but I just figure that's how I am at this point. I try not to let it bother me too much since I understand its nothing to be ashamed of. It probably doesn't make things any easier for me though.

Good luck, I hope you all find some peace of mind.

[StupidUglyHead]

If you are comfortable having social anxiety, you should definitely avoid REBT because it will give you the mental strategies to overcome it, and then you'll be more comfortable in social situations.